Am I The Only One Still Awake?

So I spend a lot of time shouting at things. Newspapers, computer monitors. You, probably, if you stepped infront of me or I caught you holding a copy of that Jeremy Clarkson video. If it was the latter you're lucky you can read this, a lead pipe to the head usually detaches retinas.

Sometimes, however, I don't shout, I shake. I shake like a dog shitting papaya seeds while pointing, mouth clenched in rage, at the television/paper/medium that just told me the biggest pile of shit I have ever heard, in a tone that suggests I would be crazy to think otherwise. After I shake I make a noise. I make a noise like a dog being rapidly inflated with one of those F1 compressed air guns (if you don't know what that sounds like, don't get too curious, it's fucking hard to get a dog into an F1 pit, and even harder to get dog-bits out of a flame-retardent suit. No I'm not a "dog person").

One such moment happened last Tuesday, at work no less. Taking a quick tea-break I was catching up on the events of the day via various online news pages, when I read this article. Go on, have a little shufty. I'll wait here.

You didn't read it did you, you'd rather read this cause it might have the word fuckspasm in it. Well if you bothered to read it you may have noticed the following quote....

Notice the (not so) deliberate mistake? Yeah you got, don't be afraid just say it loud and clear with me, war purely for regime change..... is illegal.

So wow, let's see. If the reasons they say now are the wrong ones, what were they saying when they needed our backing (or to turn our backs)? How about this gem....

or this one....

Holeesheeyaat. I remember now, all that wmd shit right!? For months, and months, and months you couldn't turn a TV on, open a paper, flick on the radio, pop the toaster or take a shit without hearing someone scream "weapons.....of....mass.....DESTRUCTIONARRRRRGGGHHHFUCKWEREALLEDEAD!!!" and now, well now they're not too keen on them. No sireee. If you were to walk into a pub right now, approach the nearest person with a paper, sit down next to them and say...

"Hey, have they found those weapons of mass destruction yet?"

it would be considered the equivalent of running upto someone with....

"ohmygodyou haaaave to see this. Check this out yeah? It's called an iPod right? right? Watch this..."

But why? We were promised them. We were scared with them. They waved the threat around like it was an inevitability. It was a monumental claim that had to be backed up, and now they want us to shut up about them? Fuck that!

When nothing happened, Blair came out with critic-silencing statements like....

I'm still waiting Tony.